The last week or so, my hubby and I have been struggling with some decisions. We are finally starting to dig ourselves out of some “bad decision debt” (aka sub-prime mortgage and economy bottoming out while living beyond your means) and I’m thinking about changing jobs.
The hours that i am expected to work are changing and involve a LOT of nights and weekends. Well, my husband and my kids are gone at school and work all day so if I work nights and weekends we will rarely see each other. Ironically, I took a 25K pay cut 18 months ago when I took this job. The whole draw was the flexible schedule, great hours, and the ability to have a better work-life balance. So much for that idea….
It’s tough because I wish I could just say “hey, this won’t work for me” and walk away, but if I did that, we’d have some challenges with those little things called bills. We’ve actually been doing a lot of things in the last 6 months to reduce expenses, but we still aren’t able to survive on one income. This is ridiculous since our expenses are about a third of what they were before we moved here. Some days I get so frustrated with myself for not being smarter when we had great incomes, but like everything else I do I have to learn things firsthand and the hard way.
Less than 2 yrs ago I had a twice a day Starbucks habit going. At the time it seemed normal, but now I am appalled when I think about it. It is not that I think there is anything fundamentally wrong with Starbucks. Actually, their coffee is pretty yummy and for the most part they are friendly when you are purchasing their overpriced java.
The thing that makes me go hmmmmm now is the fact that I had no business going to Starbucks at that point in time. We had built a new home, my hubby had lost his job, and we were pulling money out of our 401k to pay the mortgage. I think back and I cannot figure out how I justified a $5 latte twice a day when we were using a credit card to buy toilet paper and milk.
Honestly, I think I was in denial and just wanted to feel a little bit “normal” (let’s get real though, my normal was totally skewed). When I think back, I wonder if i was missing something in my life and whether I was trying to fill a hole with “stuff” or “experiences”.
Was I trying to fit into some mold or be someone who I wasn’t? What’s strange is that I now know that who I want to be is the opposite of that. I want to be someone who drinks coffee from home so I can give the $3 I save to the orphans in the same country where those expensive coffee beans came from. Life is funny.
I wish I could say that I am that selfless person now, but nope… Yesterday i had a $5 latte and I still really don’t have any business having one. Some poor little orphan in Ethiopia had rice. Hopefully :0(
I promise I’ll be more upbeat next post :0)
The Good Times List 
Sometimes it’s just a comfort thing to have a foamy coffee handed to you, Starbucks or other, and sit in the coffee-shop reading and sipping. It’s a little vacation from hassle and responsibility. Before the Borders stores closed, I used to go and sit and read and have a coffee, and have a short mental vacation, feeling civilized and even elegant for just that short time. It’s a little window into my fantasy life, I guess. Anyway, I get it.
I am totally with you.This used to be a regular thing, but now it is more of a luxury. I’m also wondering if i can get my same escape at home by lighting a candle, turning on some jazz, and pouring a glass of wine or making a French Press of coffee. If the kids are sleeping and the hubby is in his man cave, I’ll still get to relax and it will probably be half the cost of going out for it. but it doesn’t feel quite the same.
I guess my question is “Even if we have the money to spend, is it the right thing to spend it on luxuries when there are so many people in the world who don’t even have the basics?” I can’t believe I’ve spent 40 years of life without asking this question.